Tame your inner she-devil

Do you feel fired-up with anger a lot of time? Are your bad moods out of control? Maybe you've lost a boyfriend, fallen out with a friend, or argued with a colleague because they couldn't handle your bad behaviour? You might be suffering from out-of-control stress levels that turn you into a she-devil!

Where does all that anger come from?

It began with car-rage on the roads and went on to trolley-rage at the shops. But now you find your anger is out of control at work and in your personal life too. With today's demanding lifestyles, more and more people say they feel angry, snap at loved ones, and have far more arguments than previously.

Stress - and the increasing demands placed on us - are fuelling our levels of anger. Blackberries, mobiles, endless e-mails and increasing deadlines are all contributing to the increasing sense of burn-out.

When stress levels get too high it can feel like we need to erupt. Our frustration can no longer be contained because our patience has been used up. The ability to keep calm goes out the window. And by the end of the day we have nothing left in our energy reserves to stop us biting the heads off our nearest and dearest.

Those who are chronically angry are also negatively impacting their health. Sky high stress levels cause the body to produce too much of the stress hormone cortisol. When it's released into the system too frequently, it can lead to other health problems like high blood pressure. Sadly, more and more women are being diagnosed with this.

Find your she-devil level by taking this quick quiz:

 1: Has your partner commented that your moods/anger are seriously damaging your relationship?

A: Not commented but I suspect they’ve thought itB: They’ve hinted at itC: Yes, definitely

2: Have you been criticised or warned at work about any difficult/angry/unacceptable behaviour?

A: No but I’ve worried I've pushed the limits B: Not formally but I think it's been noticedC: Yes, I've been spoken to

3: Do you fly off the handle at the slightest thing?

A: Only rarelyB: SometimesC: Frequently

4: Do you get the feeling anyone walks around you "on egg shells"?

A: Not reallyB: SometimesC: Definitely

5: Do you repeatedly find yourself apologising for behaving badly like snapping someone's head off for little reason?

A: RarelyB: SometimesC: Frequently

6: Do you sometimes feel you're having what might be described as a nervous breakdown?

A: A bit  B: Maybe C: Definitely

Mainly A answers: she-devilish on occasion

Okay, so you're not a full-blown she-devil but you might have to watch yourself at times. Take note of the strategies below so you can rein any potential she-devil behaviour in.

Mainly B answers: she-devil in the making

Time for some reality - you may not be a definite she-devil but you’re definitely one in the making. Get on top of it before it gets on top of you and follow the strategies below.

Mainly C answers: definite she-devil!

Oh dear, things couldn't be worse! People undoubtedly scuttle around you because they're frightened of your moods. If you don't want people to avoid you, and don't want to have things end in tears, definitely stamp-out your she-devil behaviour with the following strategies:

Strategy 1 - hands up!

It's time to admit you've got an anger problem. Very often the she-devil is the last one to admit being in the wrong. Instead you're always looking to blame someone else for why you're angry. The problem is usually they don't deserve the level of anger you're directing at them. Once you've got into the realm of the she-devil, even the smallest things make you angry and that's not good for anyone.

Strategy 2 – take note

So you've admitted you've got a problem - now you need to monitor it. Keep a diary for a week and make a note of what caused both small and large angry outbursts.

Strategy 3 – what's really going on?

You can now take a close look at your diary to help you identify what sets off your anger and if there’s any pattern to it. You might find, say, that you have a fit when you've had a hard day and your partner does something small like break a plate when cooking. Make a list of these "anger triggers" - like having a long day, being given a new deadline etc as these are things which are likely to put you in she-devil mode.

Strategy 4 – prioritise

The next big step is to prioritise which triggers set you off - and what you want to deal with first. Ideally it's best to choose the one that looks like the easiest to deal with first. So write a list.

Strategy 5 – list solutions

Now you need to get creative and think up do-able solutions for each trigger. If your work day is too crowded and you always end up having a hissy fit by 5pm, you need to do something practical like scheduling one less appointment each day so you're not pushed for time. This is also the time to let your partner, pals and even colleagues know that you're working on certain goals.

Strategy 6 - tricks of the trade

It's always those unexpected things that can interfere with you reining in your she-devil impulses. So get creative and think about little tricks you can use to prevent you losing it in unexpected situations.

Let's say, you've lost your car keys and are desperate to get out the door. Or your colleague’s off and you've had the work of two people that day and can feel your anger rising. What could you do to cope with that? Why not have in the back of your mind a calming visualisation that you call to mind when your good intentions are thrown out the window by circumstances. It could be a holiday beach scene. Or why not call to mind your favourite uplifting tune. Any trick that'll work for you!