Is your spending out of control?

When compulsive behaviour, particularly related to shopping, begins to lead people into debt and even ruins relationships, then that is the time that help is needed.

Behavioural expert and psychotherapist Marisa Peer has dealt with many clients suffering from this modern disorder. She associates the problem to a misplaced feeling that buying ‘stuff’ brings about a sense of happiness and fulfilment.

“It’s about people buying things they don’t even need or want,” says Marisa. “It’s believing when you can’t control what’s happening on the inside – you can control what’s on the outside.”

In today’s society we associate control with success, which is one reason why we put a premium on people who are thin and groomed because we believe they are in control of their lives. The same goes for people who always look immaculate.

“Conversely we see people who are messy, sloppy, have egg on their tie or a fat tyre slipping out of the top of their jeans – as out of control," says Marisa. "In the same way, we’re wary of people who are ill. It goes back to primitive times – and relates to a feeling of contagion, that those out of control can affect the whole tribe.”

Compulsive behaviour relating to shopping is reportedly on the rise, largely owing to the amount of choice consumers are being given through attractive shopping centres, 24-hour stores, internet sites, catalogues and an emphasis on expensive clothes equalling status. It’s also not helped by the relentless marketing, branding and manipulative advertising we are subjected to on a daily basis.

“Quite often, a lot of people with shopping-related OCD don’t even unpack their purchases,” says Marisa. “They just go out and get it, which in turn makes them feel in control – but of course it’s just an illusion - and their spending can get out of control.”

Marisa has had clients who have gone to desperate lengths to buy goods: “Some have gone into shops to buy a pot of honey and come out with ten jars of face cream. But what I find interesting is people who compulsively shop on eBay or Amazon, which is a slight gambling thing. I’ve had clients whose husbands take the computer to work with them - along with the house keys - to stop their wives from popping into an internet cafe!”

Natalie, 34, from South London, ran up debts of £12,000 on her credit cards after her relationship broke down and she moved out of her boyfriend’s house. “I took the ‘treating myself to a new top’ idea way too far," she says. "Yes, I was unhappy and I think buying new clothes gave me a temporary lift. Certainly being able to go online made it all so easy and accessible. The irony is that I didn’t wear most of the stuff because I thought I was too fat and looked hideous in the dresses.”

Marisa is familiar with this kind of behaviour and says it always stems from emotional problems and needs.

“One client drove all the way from London to the Metro Centre in Newcastle to get a pair of shoes that she couldn’t find in the capital. Another was obsessed with a pink shirt and contacted a shop in Dubai to get it. In the end she didn’t even like it.”

So what drives the compulsion to obtain more and more - and why is quantity so important? We're not necessarily talking about buying expensive items here, since many sufferers also visit cheap shops and car boot sales.

“It stems from a belief that says 'I am not happy and there’s a pair of shoes. And if I have those shoes I’ll be happy'," says Marisa. "People convince themselves that they must have certain items at all costs. It’s not always about the cost, it’s about the amount. Having so many material goods equates to having love in certain cases.” 

There is help available, which is similar to the kind of treatment given to people with a range of addiction problems, from alcohol to over-eating and gambling. 

The 12 Step programme normally associated with Alcoholics and Gamblers Anonymous is also used to help people with an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder relating to shopping and can be accessed through a variety of organisations. Talk to your GP about possible referrals to such programmes and support groups.

“The best treatment is to realise that control is an illusion” says Marisa. “You cannot succeed in controlling everything because the only thing you really can control is your thoughts. When you try to control your house it becomes pointless, it’s a never-ending job, and it's the same with your body as it’s eventually going to age.”

Marisa Peer’s book Ultimate Confidence deals with this subject in detail and one helpful mantra from her guide is to remember that the law of control begins and ends with your thinking. So if you can control that, you can control everything else. It’s something two of Marisa’s more extreme clients should have taken heed of.

“They were a father and son who could never ever leave their house, because they were so obsessed with being burgled," she says. "I remember saying to them ‘I wished you would get burgled because then you’d get over your obsession!’ I’ve been burgled twice and of course it’s not nice but you do get over it.”

Useful websites:

Consumer Credit Counselling Service Promis Addiction Rehab Clinics Marisa Peer's website